I’m not what you’d call a Commander savant. I’ve only built three previous Commander decks, one of which was Uril, the Miststalker and so stupidly overpowered that it was unfun to play. I’m a noob to the format, but I love getting to play with some of my favorite cards and doing the “Dance of Politics” wherein you convince the guy or gal with the 20/20 unblockable goat that it is in his best interest to kill the defenseless durdle to your right. Nevermind the demons on my battlefield ready to untap and destroy you. These are not the cards you are looking for. While I am new to Commander, I’ve experimented with the field enough to want to build a rockin’ deck, and discuss it with you fine folks, despite my abundant lack of knowledge or EDH street cred.
What I DO know is squirrels. Hot, nasty, badass squirrels.
“Can someone please explain this squirrel fetish to me, preferably without making a joke about nuts?” –The people that routinely read my articles. Both of them. Hi mom.
My infatuation with the furry menace began with this card:
You could teach a Master’s class on the sheer awesomeness of this cardboard. Blessed with ball-rockingly insane art and one of the best flavor texts in all of Magic, the card was an instant classic. It was the first rare I opened in Unglued, and once my playgroup acquiesced to my request (letting me play a harmless little Unglued card), it became a permanent fixture in my kitchen table decks. My poor unfortunate opponents had to stare at THIS MONSTROSITY as they repeatedly fell to the furry hordes:
Don’t let the cute baby doe eyes fool you. This beast was given the grace of the Angels and the blood-thirsty ferocity of a hung over Satan after a week-long meth binge. See that kernel of delicious corn in its paw? This badass carries lunch around with her so she doesn’t have to take a break from killing. She started out as a grey squirrel, but her fur has taken on the dingy color of her victm’s innards.
Ultimately, I decided to go with a mono-green deck. Why? Because, squirrels don’t need the assistance of any of those other pansy colors.
When building a Commander deck with a heavy squirrel theme, you are immediately confronted by two cold, hard truths. One, Wizards has yet to print a Legendary Squirrel, so get those visions of a squirrelly general coming in to save the day right out of your head. Two, there are not enough squirrel cards to make a dedicated “squirrel deck.” A quick gatherer search shows that there are only 13 tourney legal squirrel-related cards in existence.
13. As if you needed more proof that the little bastards are evil incarnate.
(Note: anyone that posts in the comments about [card]Mistform Ultimus[/card] or Changeling cards “technically” being squirrels will be detained and forced to gargle Brad Nelson’s sock sweat).
Since the deck will have a low number of actual squirrel cards (curse you, WOTC!), I tried to build it with as much search and filtering as I possibly could. I wanted a version that gets as much land as possible as soon as possible, to fuel Squirrel Shenanigans. I supplemented the squirrel cards with additional token makers to increase the threat density. Still, the majority of my wins come via squirrel tokens or a colossal Squirrel Mob.
Behold:
[cardlist title=Travis Hall – Here There Be Squirrels]
[General]
Azusa, Lost but Seeking
[/General]
[Lands]
Swarmyard
Yavimaya Hollow
Gaea’s Cradle
Deserted Temple
Oran-Rief, the Vastwood
Tectonic Edge
Evolving Wilds
Terramorphic Expanse
Pendelhaven
Vesuva
Mosswort Bridge
Maze of Ith
Mutavault
Petrified Field
Dryad Arbor
25 Forest
[/Lands]
[Creatures]
Deranged Hermit
Squirrel Mob
Liege of the Hollows
Nut Collector
Squirrel Wrangler
Krosan Beast
Acidic Slime
Eternal Witness
Yavimaya Elder
Rofellos, Llanowar Emissary
Essence Warden
Genesis
Ant Queen
Oracle of Mul Daya
Regal Force
Seedborn Muse
Scavenging Ooze
Vigor
Solemn Simulacrum
Fauna Shaman
Primeval Titan
Adaptive Automaton
[/Creatures]
[Spells]
Chatter of the Squirrel
Acorn Harvest
Squirrel Nest
Earthcraft
Asceticism
Krosan Grip
Doubling Season
Druid’s Call
Parallel Lives
Green Sun’s Zenith
Parallel Evolution
Overrun
Beacon of Creation
Sylvan Scrying
New Frontiers
Harmonize
Chord of Calling
Rites of Flourishing
Primal Command
Genesis Wave
Regrowth
Worldly Tutor
Seal of Primordium
Beast Within
[/Spells]
[Artifacts]
Acorn Catapult
Birthing Pod
Sol Ring
Duplicant
Coat of Arms
Emerald Medallion
Eldrazi Monument
Sensei’s Divining Top
Rings of Brighthearth
Skullclamp
Nevinyrral’s Disk
Mind’s Eye
Expedition Map
[/Artifacts]
[/cardlist]
I chose Azusa to take the reins, but I could also see [card]Kamahl, Fist of Krosa[/card] or [card]Baru, Fist of Krosa[/card] fitting the deck as well. Azusa is great for helping you hit a higher land count in the early game, but she becomes irrelevant pretty quickly. Right now, that quick jump from 3 to 5 or more lands fits the deck well.
Cards I want to highlight:
[card]Eldrazi Monument[/card]: While most of us know that the best thing you can do when confronted by an army of squirrels is to shit your pants and pray for a quick death, some people will try to struggle against the inevitable. They’ll unleash a Pyroclasm, curse you with Damnation, and even try to unleash the Wrath of the Almighty Himself. At the cost of 1 token a turn, the rest of your army will take to the air, backed by the certainty of their indestructibility.
[card]Squirrel Wrangler[/card]: This card has led me to victory more than any other. With a Parallel Lives, Doubling Season, or Rings of Brighthearth in play, this card can outbreed the Erwins. If you manage to get this going, you’ll win very quickly.
[card]Genesis[/card]: You know what sucks? When someone kills your Squirrel Mob or Squirrel Wrangler. You know what rules? Forcing them to do it every turn. Also, note the interaction between Deranged Hermit and Genesis.
[card]Squirrel Nest[/card] + [card]Earthcraft[/card]: If this combo was strong enough to ban in Legacy, you better believe it’s going in here.
[card]Adaptive Automaton[/card]: The Robo-Squirrel. This was the very last card to make the cut, as I wasn’t sure it would be worth it with the dearth of squirrels. But, he can always name any relevant creature type.
[card]Skullclamp[/card]: For those times when it becomes necessary to sacrifice a beloved furball for the greater good.
Cards I really want to explore in future versions of the deck:
[card]Sylvan Library[/card]
[card]Karn Liberated[/card]
[card]Mycoloth[/card]
Equipment (The Swords and [card]Umezawa’s Jitte[/card] especially)
[card]Ashnod’s Altar[/card]
[card]Gigantomancer[/card]
[card]Praetor’s Counsel[/card]
[card]Muraganda Petroglyphs[/card]
Overall, the deck has been fantastic so far. Unleashing a screaming horde of rabid squirrels on an opponent is the epitome of awesome and what Commander is truly all about. If you want to see an opponent quake in fear give the Squirrel Armada a try.
If you have suggestions for the deck, or if you think I can gain a lot from exploring another color, nut up and let me know in the comments!
If you like my decks, you can follow me on Twitter: travishall456. I throw around random observations and deck ideas every day.
Travis Hall is a resident Mana D rogue deck brewer with an unhealthy addiction to Heartless Summoning and Birthing Pod.