I’ve come to associate ‘States’ with two things: a fresh standard format in its infancy, and an abundance of post-states articles that come to define the metagame going forward. These tales tend to be about individuals who dedicate themselves to the game weeks or even months in advance, discovering card interactions, putting in work, optimizing every slot in their deck, and then witnessing the fruits of their labour manifest themselves in the form of a plaque and the bragging rights that come only naturally to an individual with a title like ‘2011 champion’. These typically make for great stories.

This is not one of those stories…

My day begins with what is fast becoming my pre-tournament ritual: a trip to Timmy’s, a hickory-smoked ham breakfast sandwich (on an English muffin), and an iced coffee. I receive my order in a timely fashion, and discover the dude threw in a hash brown. Running good already?

That question is quickly pushed from my mind, as I discover the currently-more-important half of Team Magic Football (the half that has my deck) has yet to arrive. On the bright side, we run into Scotty Mac and his son, we break out decks, and start talking EDH (sorry, COMMANDER[tm]). This takes my mind away from my current predicament, and straight into a new one; Scotty’s son is also playing [card]Kaalia of the Vast[/card], and the prospect of fighting over my general appeals to me about as much as a root canal. Thankfully, Seth Black shows up before we finish shuffling and gives me a convenient out.

Pro-Tip: Always make sure the deck that you’ve been testing for weeks in advance is a realistic option for the tournament you’re testing for. Card availability can be a real issue, especially when you’re the poor friend in your card pool.

The ‘run-goods’ continue when Seth mentions to me that he hasn’t checked Facebook in a week and is still under the assumption that i’m playing Monored. D’oh. However, all hope is not lost. With about 45 mins before registration closes, we start rifling through the 80 pound bag of stuff Seth carries around at all times (affectionately nicknamed ‘His House’) and try to scrape something together, as I was really not looking forward to playing one-mana 1/1s and three mana 3-damage spells in a format that I identified as one defined by a thousand [card]Wrath of God[/card]s and trading haymakers. We manage to get together a decent chunk of what I wanted to play, though there are still a few slots missing. After checking with the local dealer table to inquire just how much those last few slots would cost me (about $175), I abandon all hopes of assembling the Planeswalker Voltron, playing Monoblack in standard again, or ‘Gettin er’ Dungrove for fun and profit’ and resign myself to playing mountains and hoping people miss land drops. That still happens from time to time, right?

With about 10 minutes until registration closes, I rip through Seth’s Monored list, throwing away the [card]Shock[/card]s, the [card]Furnace Scamp[/card]s, and the rest of the cards that don’t do anything, and quickly replace them with [card]Volt Charge[/card]s that seemed quite good in theory and had the PV stamp of approval, and some [card]Spikeshot Elder[/card]s, and move towards the registration line as time is called. The line was long enough that I was able to scratch together a full decklist out of the half-decklist I lined up. $25 later I’m back at our table talking M:TG and actually confirming I had all the cards I registered. From what I recall, the end result was this:

3 [card]Chandra’s Phoenix[/card]
2 [card]Grim Lavamancer[/card]
3 [card]Spikeshot Elder[/card]
4 [card]Stormblood Berserker[/card]
4 [card]Stromkirk Noble[/card]
4 [card]Koth of the Hammer[/card]
4 [card]Shrine of Burning Rage[/card]
4 [card]Incinerate[/card]
3 [card]Volt Charge[/card]
3 [card]Brimstone Volley[/card]
3 [card]Geistflame[/card]
15 [card]Mountain[/card]
4 [card]Rootbound Crag[/card]
1 [card]Copperline Gorge[/card]
3 [card]Ghost Quarter[/card]
Sideboard:
4 [card]Ancient Grudge[/card]
4 [card]Vulshok Refugee[/card]
3 [card]Traitorous Blood[/card]
1 [card]Chandra’s Phoenix[/card]
2 [card]Perilous Myr[/card]
1 [card]Sword of War and Peace[/card]

Now, my previous statements may have led you to believe that I pulled this list out of my ass at the last minute. While this may be true to an extent, I was well aware of the possibility that I might have no option beyond Monored for this tournament and had a general idea of what I wanted to be doing with a Monored deck in the event that I got stuck with it. The first of these things is that I wanted to be able to cast [card]Ancient Grudge[/card] with Flashback, as the best non-white RDW hate with value across multiple matchups are typically artifact-based, typically in the forms of [card]Spellskite[/card] and [card]Wurmcoil Engine[/card], and I figured those would be everywhere. [card]Ancient Grudge[/card] is the single-best answer to an on-board [card]Wurmcoil Engine[/card], as this deck cares very little about an opposing 3/3 deathtouch on T7 or whatever. And like cards like [card]Spellskite[/card], [card]Ancient Grudge[/card] is quite valuable across multiple matchups, smashing utility artifacts, swords, [card]Inkmoth Nexus[/card], and various other mechanical monstrosities.

The second thing I hoped to accomplish was to play a variant with reach and multiple angles of attack. To do this, I wanted to minimize the number of dead draws available to the deck. This meant cutting garbage like [card]Furnace Scamp[/card] and good ol’ reliable do-nothings like [card]Shock[/card] and replacing them with a playset of [card]Koth of the Hammer[/card] to extract value from my opponent’s sweepers, [card]Volt Charge[/card] to give the deck instant speed shenanigans like pumping [card]Stormblood Berserker[/card]s and [card]Stromkirk Noble[/card]s and going ultimate with Koth before my opponent is prepared to handle the threat and one drops like [card]Grim Lavamancer[/card] and [card]Spikeshot Elder[/card], which scale up in value as the game progresses. Some dead draws remained on the basis of necessity and sheer power level ([card]Stormblood Berserker[/card], [card]Stromkirk Noble[/card], etc), but for the most part I was quite happy with the spell composition.

The third thing is that I wanted a dedicated suite of spells for the mirror. Having played Monored in the previous season for a time, I knew that the most successful sideboarding strategies against the majority of the format were very minimalist, and that going overboard affected the way the deck plays on a fundamental level. This deck is very much like Legacy ‘Dredge’ in that an unprepared opponent will typically get run over in G1 situations, and then the burden of preparedness shifts to the red mage because s/he now has to anticipate what hate cards the opponent is planning to bring in and how best to work around that. I’ve found that the most effective way to work around hate is to simply tune your deck’s starting 60 to present multiple angles of attack that don’t get hosed by a single hate card, making minimal changes post-sideboard to optimize efficiency of spells.

One of the very few matchups in which this does not hold true is the mirror match, in which basically all your creatures become dead slots, the player on the draw usually wins, and as a red mage, you actually get to play magic. As such, I wanted to be prepared. [card]Vulshok Refugee[/card] is the ultimate mirror trump, [card]Chandra’s Phoenix[/card] becomes the second-most important creature in the matchup, [card]Perilous Myr[/card] kills the relevant opposing pro-red creatures, and [card]Sword of War and Peace[/card] plus [card]Chandra’s Phoenix[/card] or [card]Vulshok Refugee[/card] ends the game immediately. Moreover, a decent chunk of these SB choices come with the benefit of having value across multiple matchups. The [card]Chandra’s Phoenix[/card] comes in against decks with mass removal, [card]Perilous Myr[/card] does a decent [card]Arc Trail[/card] impression in creature matchups while also offing the occasional [card]Phyrexian Crusader[/card], [card]Sword of War and Peace[/card] runs through most token producers and gives you game against decks that plan to win with Planeswalkers, and [card]Vulshok Refugee[/card]…well it sucks against everything but Monored, but I believe my point has been made.

The last card selection I would like to touch upon briefly is [card]Ghost Quarter[/card]. This slot was a relic of the original deck and terrible all day. It is quite possible that its status as a non-mountain cost me at least one game, and most definitely cost me some otherwise very good starting hands that had to be shipped because I couldn’t play my lands untapped. They should definitely be mountains. 1 is fine if you’re scared of [card]Kessig Wolf Run[/card], but three is most definitely incorrect.

Where were we…Ahh yes, The Rounds (Wall of Text Disclaimer: this section gets a bit wordy. If you have no interest in detalied match reports, please feel free to skip directly to the next section. I promise I won’t be offended *cough*much*cough*).

…

Some number of minutes after registration, pairings are posted, I grab my deck and my hash brown, check my table number, bite hash brown, spit out hash brown, proceed immediately to ‘discard phase’, and begin my long walk to round one.

Pro-Tip: Cold Hash Browns are disgusting. Eat them warm, or don’t eat them at all.

Round one v. Ben Kelly – UB Control

G1: I lead with [card]Stromkirk Noble[/card], while he plays tapland, go. Noble jumps into the red zone, dropping Ben to 19 and giving my [card]Stormblood Berserker[/card] a thirst for blood (see what I did there?). He kills the Noble with something that can’t kill a Stormblood, taking 3 and going to 16. He plays draw-go some more, while I follow up with [card]Chandra’s Phoenix[/card]. He kills the Berserker and eats two from the Phoenix. I play some one-drops and he resets the board with a [card]Black Sun’s Zenith[/card]. I drop [card]Koth of the Hammer[/card] while he’s tapped out and start eating 4-point chunks of his life total. He runs me out of mountains with [card]Doom Blade[/card]s and [card]Snapcaster Mage[/card]s, but thankfully I have this here [card]Ghost Quarter[/card] to destroy my own [card]Rootbound Crag[/card] EOT, finding me the mountain I needed to attack for lethal. Value?

-3 [card]Geistflame[/card]
-2 [card]Stormblood Berserker[/card]

+4 [card]Ancient Grudge[/card]
+1 [card]Chandra’s Phoenix[/card]

As a general rule, I always side in [card]Ancient Grudge[/card] blind against any non-white deck under the assumption that their hate will be artifact-based. I sided out a couple Berserkers because I wasn’t sure how good they would be on the draw. In hindsight, it should have been [card]Incinerate[/card]s that come out. [card]Lightning Bolt[/card] this card is not.

G2: He plays tapland, I play one-drop, go. He play another tapland, and i’m confronted with the first real decision of the game: Berserker with Bloodthirst, or [card]Shrine of Burning Rage[/card]? I am of the belief that Shrine is the single-most important card to resolve early against UB control, as with [card]Into the Roil[/card] gone, typically their only ways to disrupt it are to resolve and protect a [card]Spellskite[/card] or kill me before it hits lethal. I go with the Shrine. He draws, drops his land and plays a [card]Trinket Mage[/card], fetching [card]Elixir of Immortality[/card]. My one-drop is sad because it’s not a [card]Stromkirk Noble[/card], and hangs back while [card]Chandra’s Phoenix[/card] upticks my shrine and gets in for two. Some turns and many beatdowns later, he drops a [card]Grave Titan[/card] while I am sitting on five lands, two more in-hand. Draw: Land. *sigh*. Phoenix gets in, taking him to 10. I have some one-drop and a Berserker on guard duty as [card]Volt Charge[/card] is still live even if he gains 5. He cracks the Elixer, going to 15, then plays [card]Black Sun’s Zenith[/card] for three, making my board go away, and my life total drop a couple points. I kill the Titan with my 13-counter shrine and hang in for a while, but a few turns later I succumb to the zombie horde.

-2 [card]Ancient Grudge[/card]
+2 [card]Stormblood Berserker[/card]

Berserker makes a reappearance because he’s much better on the play. That, and my opponent revealed at least a part of his plan consists of [card]Trinket Mage[/card] shenanigans. Regardless, siding out [card]Incinerate[/card] was probably correct. I’m still not sure. Feel free to highlight my stupidity in the chat section.

Pro-Tip: Come with a general sideboarding strategy prepared for major archetypes.

G3: He mulls and misses a land drop, I god-curve him with Noble into Berserker into Phoenix into Koth into [card]Volt Charge[/card]->Emblem. GG sir.

After this game, I bring my game two dilemma to the Puntmasters to consult. They tell me T2 Berserker was correct. I move to my next game, secure in the knowledge that the play I made was right, as any play they advocate is wrong by default (Hi Ben!).

R2 v. James McKay – U/W Geist controllish thing

G1:I lose the die roll and he plays a land. I play a [card]Grim Lavamancer[/card] and pass. He plays land, go. I plink him for one and drop a [card]Stormblood Berserker[/card]. He gives the thumbs up. He plays land, [card]Geist of Saint Traft[/card]. I get in for three and drop a [card]Shrine of Burning Rage[/card]. He gets in for six and passes back. I play a [card]Koth of the Hammer[/card], which gets the okay, and I get in for 8, dropping him to 7. He red-zones the [card]Geist of Saint Traft[/card], attacking Koth with the spirit. I allow it, and he passes the turn. I draw a card, point to my shrine and ask “can ya stop it?” I turn my berserker sideways and he kills it with something. I respond with [card]Incinerate[/card] into pop shrine and he scoops em up.

-3 [card]Geistflame[/card]
-1 [card]Koth of the Hammer[/card]
-1 [card]Incinerate[/card]

+3 [card]Ancient Grudge[/card]
+1 [card]Chandra’s Phoenix[/card]
+1 [card]Sword of War and Peace[/card]

G2: I play stuff. He makes stuff go away. He plays Geist. I play stuff. He attacks with Geist. I block Geist with stuff. I run out of stuff. He plays [card]Sun Titan[/card], recurring Geist. I take a thousand damage. He recurs a [card]Spellskite[/card] my stuff killed earlier. He plays another [card]Spellskite[/card]. We move to game three.

G3: I play [card]Grim Lavamancer[/card] into Berserker; he starts the game at 15 life. He casts a Spellskite. Berserker gets in there. His [card]Spellskite[/card] looks real sad. He pays a Geist. I kill SadSkite, leaving back SadGeist. He misses a land drop. The game is over two turns later. RDWOMLD: Red Deck Wins when Opponents Miss Land Drops.

R3 v. David N. – PV-Style Esper DrawGo

We get the die roll out of the way, which he wins obv. It’s at this point that we are subject to random deck check. We pass along our decks and break out the EDH. His Chainer deck does some stuff, tutors up a [card]Necropotence[/card] and domes me for 20 with some wonky conditional-time-walk thingy. We get our decks back one turn before I can equip my [card]Hellkite Charger[/card] with [card]Sword of Feast and Famine[/card]. I claim the moral victory and we move on to the main event.

G1: I play a one-drop, he draws some cards. I poke for one, he counters my two-drop. He draws some cards. I poke for one, he counters some stuff. Five turns later, he runs out of counterspells and I resolve a [card]Koth of the Hammer[/card]. He draws some cards. I poke for 5 (it was a hard poke). He draws some more cards. I poke for 5, which conveniently brings him to zero life.

-3 [card]Brimstone Volley[/card]
-2 [card]Volt Charge[/card]

+1 [card]Chandra’s Phoenix[/card]
+3 [card]Ancient Grudge[/card]
+1 [card]Sword of War and Peace[/card]

G2: He keeps, I mull. I play stuff. He plays taplands. I play more stuff. He draws and passes turn with no land drop. I play a [card]Chandra’s Phoenix[/card]. [card]Celestial Purge[/card] makes the Phoenix go away. He draws, passes, again with no land drop. I play Koth. He responds with ‘shoulder shrug, take four’. He draws, moves to discard and bins a [card]Dissipate[/card]. His life total hits zero soon after. RDWOMLD.

Pro-Tip: Don’t keep land-light hands against Red Deck Wins

R4 .v Andrew Rapley – Monoblack Infect

G1: He smiles when I play [card]Stromkirk Noble[/card] T1. He plays T2 [card]Plague Stinger[/card] and all is revealed. Noble gets in there, and [card]Stormblood Berserker[/card] enters the fray. [card]Plague Stinger[/card] gets in there, and I get a poison counter. [card]Geistflame[/card] takes out the Stinger, adding a counter to the [card]Shrine of Burning Rage[/card] I led with. Noble and Berserker get in for six, dropping him to six. He can’t interact with the Shrine and plays a [card]Despise[/card] for information. We move to game two.

-4 [card]Stormblood Berserker[/card]
-1 [card]Koth of the Hammer[/card]
-2 [card]Incinerate[/card]

+4 [card]Ancient Grudge[/card]
+2 [card]Perilous Myr[/card]
+1 [card]Chandra’s Phoenix[/card]

G2: He plays land, go. I play land, go. He plays Stinger, go. I [card]Geistflame[/card] EOT, drop a Shrine on T2. He plays [card]Inkmoth Nexus[/card], go. I play land, go, content to sit on my Shrine. He forces the action with [card]Phyrexian Crusader[/card]. I have no choice but to pop the shrine. He plays [card]Lashwrithe[/card]. I play some dudes ([card]Perilous Myr[/card], [card]Grim Lavamancer[/card]). He plays another [card]Lashwrithe[/card]. I play a Shrine, and an [card]Ancient Grudge[/card] on one(lacking green for flashback), and pass turn. A couple turns, some dead [card]Whispering Specter[/card]s, and six damage later, things get interesting. He taps out to play [card]Skithiryx, the Blight Dragon[/card] and attempts to equip (3 swamps in play, zero untapped). I hold priority, expressing that “I have responses”. I activate [card]Ghost Quarter[/card], targeting his [card]Inkmoth Nexus[/card] and giving me a second card in graveyard (4 swamps in play, one untapped). I activate [card]Grim Lavamancer[/card], targeting my [card]Perilous Myr[/card], shooting his face for two. This line resolves and I cast [card]Brimstone Volley[/card] with Morbid, targeting Skithiryx. His response:

“[card]Mutagenic Growth[/card]?”

D’oh. He turns sideways for what is now lethal, using the swamp that I gave him to grant Skittles haste, and we move to game three.

-4 [card]Incinerate[/card]
-1 [card]Ancient Grudge[/card]
-1 [card]Chandra’s Phoenix[/card]

+4 [card]Stormblood Berserker[/card]
+1 [card]Volt Charge[/card]
+1 [card]Koth of the Hammer[/card]

G3: The Mana Gods express their disapproval of the last game’s outcome; I god-curve and run him over. See: R1G3, RDWOMLD

R5 v. SETH F’N BLACK – Wolf-Run Ramp

We bemoan the awkwardness of this pairing while shuffling up. We kindly start the match with a friendly “Don’t Punt,” as per our obligations as members of Team Magic Football, and we get underway.

G1: I start off with a mull, remarking that my win percentage on mulls has been pretty good today. I curve one-drop into [card]Stormblood Berserker[/card], while he plays [card]Viridian Emissary[/card]. He attacks and I happily take two, and follows up with another Emissary. He starts turning the Emissaries sideways and we start trading four for four. I play a [card]Koth of the Hammer[/card], float red, and pass turn with some beefy blockers. He goes PrimeTime with a certain 6/6-that-shall-not-be-named, and red-zones the Emissaries. I (finally) kill them with a pair of [card]Geistflame[/card]s and [card]Volt Charge[/card] his face EOT, which puts Koth in ultimate territory and an active [card]Shrine of Burning Rage[/card] into ‘Kill Titan’ territory. On my turn, Koth goes poof, and I pass turn. Seth moves to combat phase, prompting me to kill the Titan. He tries to put up a fight, but the top of his library doesn’t deliver. We move to game two.

-4 [card]Incinerate[/card]
-2 [card]Grim Lavamancer[/card]
-1 [card]Stormblood Berserker[/card]
-1 [card]Koth of the Hammer[/card]

+4 [card]Ancient Grudge[/card]
+1 [card]Chandra’s Phoenix[/card]
+3 [card]Traitorous Blood[/card]

G2: We go back and forth for a while, and by back and forth I of course refer to ‘he plays cards that are better than mine. I use cards to kill his cards instead of his face. He plays a [card]Wurmcoil Engine[/card]. I take it with [card]Traitorous Blood[/card] and dome him for six before killing it on his next combat step. He plays another [card]Wurmcoil Engine[/card] and I scoop’.

-1 [card]Traitorous Blood[/card]
+1 [card]Stormblood Berserker[/card]

G3: Here’s a fun one. I lead with some one-drops and a [card]Stormblood Berserker[/card], as usual. He play a couple Emissaries. I play a [card]Chandra’s Phoenix[/card]. He kills some stuff with a [card]Slagstorm[/card], plays a [card]Birds of Paradise[/card], and attempts to get in for some poison damage. I now have some options:

-Kill the [card]Inkmoth Nexus[/card] with [card]Ghost Quarter[/card], recur [card]Chandra’s Phoenix[/card] with [card]Geistflame[/card]
-Kill the [card]Inkmoth Nexus[/card] with [card]Geistflame[/card]
-Let the [card]Inkmoth Nexus[/card] live leaving me mana to play for [card]Traitorous Blood[/card]+ burn spell for the win, recur [card]Chandra’s Phoenix[/card]

I opt to [card]Ghost Quarter[/card] the Nexus and recur Phoenix with [card]Geistflame[/card]. This is awkward because time is called soon after, his Birds blanks my Phoenix, and not having [card]Ghost Quarter[/card] both for mana and to kill his [card]Kessig Wolf Run[/card] threatens to derail my path to victory. Before we go to turns, I draw another [card]Geistflame[/card], dome him for one, and cast [card]Stormblood Berserker[/card] with Bloodthirst, passing turn. Time is called, and turn one of extra turns starts on me. I draw land. I play Phoenix and red zone with the team. Phoenix is blocked by Nexus and Berserker gets in, dropping him to five. He durdles turn two, playing some blockers and passing back. I run it back, getting in for another 3 in the process, leaving him at five. On his turn four, he drops a [card]Batterskull[/card]. On my last turn, I rip one of Seth’s 3 Japanese [card]Traitorous Blood[/card]s. I go for it, taking his Germ token, still equipped, and red zone it. He looks at his Birds, his 3 forests, and his [card]Inkmoth Nexus[/card], fiddles with potential blocks, blocks Phoenix with Nexus, [card]Batterskull[/card] token with Birds, and takes 3 from [card]Stormblood Berserker[/card], going to two. I move to the next phase, considering my options for the last two damage and…

See what happened there? One of the railbirds did. A casual observer mentions “wait, doesn’t [card]Traitorous Blood[/card] grant Trample?” The game state is corrected and Seth takes 3 from the [card]Batterskull[/card] token. The game is over. My jaw hits the table, Seth *facepalms*, we trade GGs, have a good laugh about it as we sign the slip.

Pro-Tip: Unless you can read Japanese, or can memorize the exact card text of the cards you are playing with, DON’T PLAY WITH JAPANESE CARDS.

After the match result is finalized, the crowd surrounds us, one asking me “In game two, when you cast [card]Traitorous Blood[/card] on his Wurmcoil, why didn’t you destroy it on your own mainphase two?” My response was simply, “that never even occurred to me.”

Pro-Tip: If [card]Wurmcoil Engine[/card] is destroyed while under your control, YOU GET THE TOKENS.

That may have been embarrassing enough, but Seth got it worse. His railbird inquiry was the following: “You had enough mana up. Why didn’t you return the [card]Batterskull[/card] to your hand?”

Yes, if memory serves, that [card]Batterskull[/card] was also in Japanese.

Pro-Tip: See: Don’t play with Japanese cards.

R6 v. Lucas Siow – Wolf-Run Ramp

G1: I play some stuff and turn it sideways. He plays some stuff that kills my stuff. I play some more stuff. He plays better stuff. His stuff beats up my stuff and takes its lunch money. I run out of stuff. He plays a six drop. On to game two.
-4 [card]Incinerate[/card]
-2 [card]Grim Lavamancer[/card]
-1 [card]Stormblood Berserker[/card]
-1 [card]Koth of the Hammer[/card]

+4 [card]Ancient Grudge[/card]
+1 [card]Chandra’s Phoenix[/card]
+3 [card]Traitorous Blood[/card]

G2: I play some stuff. Some of that stuff happens to be double [card]Chandra’s Phoenix[/card]. He kills my stuff. I play a [card]Geistflame[/card]. My stuff comes back. He plays a [card]Tree of Redemption[/card] and gives me a look that clearly reads “Handle that.” I attack him to 10. He draws and passes turn. I attack him for four in the air. He turns tree sideways. I read the card. I ask, “So. When this card is activated, there is an actual exchange that takes place, right? It’s not just ‘you reset to 13 life every turn for free,’ right?” Lucas says he had no idea, as the situation has never come up. We call a judge to resolve the matter.

Pro-Tip: When [card]Tree of Redemption[/card] is activated, there is an actual exchange that takes place. You don’t get to just reset your life total to 13 every turn. That would be stupid.

The judge helps us out (Hi Charlotte!), and by us, I refer of course to me. Lucas exclaims “Wow. This card is much worse than I thought.” And after 5 turns and half a page on my notepad, the Phoenixes whittle him down to zero.

G3: The universe corrects itself again. He plays real cards. I play 1/1s. He plays a six drop. I miss a land drop. He plays another six drop. The game is over shortly thereafter.

R7 v. Brian Davis – GW Tokens

G1: I play some dudes. He plays some [card]Crusade[/card]s. I turn my dudes sideways. He plays a big dude. I kill it with fire and turn sideways. He plays another dude. I kill his face with fire.

-2 [card]Incinerate[/card]
+1 [card]Chandra’s Phoenix[/card]
+1 [card]Sword of War and Peace[/card]

G2: He mulls to six and keeps. He plays a land. I play a durdle. He draws, shoots me ‘the face’ (you know the one), and passes with no land drop. My durdle gets in there and I play a 3/3. He draws, passes the turn. I curve [card]Chandra’s Phoenix[/card] into [card]Koth of the Hammer[/card] into [card]Sword of War and Peace[/card]. In my defense, my hand was really good. Even if he did have lands, I’m fairly sure he was dead regardless. Still, RDWOMLD.

Pro-Tip: DON’T KEEP LAND-LIGHT HANDS AGAINST RED DECK WINS!

R8 v. Dan Lanthier – UB ‘Cawblade’

I take a look at the standings and find us sitting at 3rd and 4th respectively. I am fairly confident we can draw, though Dan expresses that he’s been informed that he has to play it out. I can respect that. I let him know the draw is on the table and repeatedly offer the draw. Repeatedly. We shuffle up and Dan mentions he’d rather not play it out. If only there were some way for us to not have to play it out and each earn a single point… I win the die roll. We draw our openers and I lead with [card]Stromkirk Noble[/card] into “draw?” He declines, playing land and passing turn. I dome him for one, play a [card]Stormblood Berserker[/card], and offer the draw. He declines, mentioning that if Marc Anderson at the table next to us wins, he’ll take the draw. He draws his card and passes the turn. I draw for turn, play my land, [card]Volt Charge[/card] his face, to which he responds with “Maaaarc? You winning yet?” My big’uns turn sideways, and I pass the turn in time for Marc to finish his game. Dan draws, begins the turn with “would you like to draw?” I accept, and he reveals a hand of [card]Skinrender[/card], [card]Batterskull[/card], [card]Wurmcoil Engine[/card]. Yes, things were in fact about to get ugly.

T8 v. Dan Lanthier – UB ‘Cawblade’

The Mana Gods prove themselves just by giving Dan the die roll win, and me a mulligan into a hand with no one-drop. I am handily thrashed in two by arguably the better player and unquestionably the more prepared player in the pairing. This, I can accept. I wished him luck in the next round, where he is crushed by Marc Anderson, keeping sketchy hands and ripping like the National Champion he is. That’s Magic Folks!

…

Going forward, the changes I would make are quite minimal. For the most part, the deck did what it was designed to do, which is press the tempo advantage and punish hiccups in development on the opposing side. There are always areas of improvement though, and the first thing I would start with is tossing those [card]Ghost Quarter[/card]s in the wood chipper. They’re seriously bad. Next, I would cut down on the number of [card]Threaten[/card] effects in the sideboard. They don’t do anything. Considering the quality of high-end threats in this format, [card]Threaten[/card] effects are only worthwhile if they come with some promise of lethal damage, and in this current environment there is simply no promise of high EV. Everyone sees them coming, they’re mana inefficient, and not one deck in the known metagame is designed to stick one unprotected threat and ride it to victory. There are no [card]Teetering Peaks[/card] to make that [card]Primeval Titan[/card] Lethal every time, and this format’s [card]Valakut, the Molten Pinnacle[/card] has far more threat density than ramp decks of the past. Moreover, [card]Spellskite[/card]s make [card]Threaten[/card]s very sad. I would replace them with a [card]Manabarbs[/card] or three. [card]Manabarbs[/card] is an option I had considered but bailed on in fear of [card]Oblivion Ring[/card]s, [card]Beast Within[/card]s, and [card]Celestial Purge[/card]s. However, that is a fallacious argument against a card with the damage potential of a [card]Manabarbs[/card]. It’s a card designed to grant advantage to the deck with lower curve and board presence advantage and Red Deck Wins fits both criteria nicely. It’s a sick sort of karmic justice that [card]Manabarbs[/card] was instrumental to Marc Anderson’s victory over Dan Lanthier, and if I had invested any sort of testing time in the deck that I probably would have reached the same conclusion on the card that Marc did. I’d also like to find room for some kind of multiple-creature removal spell. [card]Arc Trail[/card], [card]Slagstorm[/card], and [card]Blasphemous Act[/card] are the obvious candidates. Which one suits the pilot’s purpose best is a metagame call. I’ll leave that to your discretion.

And thus ends my 2011 Provincials Top eight report. Did I deserve it? I like to think so. Did others deserve it more? That’s debatable. The capacity to rationalize and the paradoxical sense of entitlement common to M:TG players the world over might argue that I ‘got lucky,’ to which I would respond “Yup!” However, such is the nature of a high-variance game. The best players in the world all have lifetime win percentages floating somewhere between 60 and 75ish percent, which still leaves a wide margin for missing land drops, and my rationalization for my victory is that, for the most part, I extracted maximum value from the limited resources I had in both deck selection and in play, and I was rewarded for it. Whatever way you slice and dice it, I competed for the title for Ontario Provincial Champion, and the seriously cool playmat I got out of the deal is evidence that I did pretty damn good. Though the desire for more, the proverbial ‘fire’ still burns in me, for now, I’ll take what I can get.

Shout-outs:

– Ben Clinton for keeping us all connected to the twitterverse every round. Don’t worry, I’m signing up as soon as this article is submitted.
– Dante Brown-Fucci for hooking me up with the missing cards, and for being the team’s resident troll. Without you, that role would’ve undoubtedly fell to me, and that’s just way too much responsibility
– Seth F’n Black for carrying around 80 pounds of cards at all times, and for maintaining a punting average worthy of all the NFL greats
– Scotty Mac for being awesome. What more needs to be said?
– Scotty Mac’s Son, whom I didn’t get a name for, for also being awesome. It takes cojones to run a UR Snapcaster/Delver of Secrets Beatdown deck at a sanctioned tournament, and I respect that.
– Madhushan Pathirana, for keeping me from going Columbine on the venue.
– The guy who played the [card]Phyrexian Obliterator[/card]/[card]Prey Upon[/card] deck. You’re damn right I shook his hand.
– The T8 announcer for butchering my last name. I expect alot of this in the coming years.
– Anyone else I may have forgotten. You’re awesome by association to me.

Signing off,

Matthew Szawlowski
@xAtaraxia on Twitter
xChaospherex Everywhere else.