Good Day To Everyone,
Unfortunately, Johnny was unable to write a column this week, something about preventing time from collapsing or something. I don’t know I wasn’t really listening and the Blind Eternities do not provide a clear signal. The “Can You Hear Me Now Guy?” should probably get working on that.
While Johnny’s absence is an unfortunate situation we here at Mana Deprived know you cannot miss weekly Planeswalker content so we had KYT make a couple calls to some Planeswalkers in hopes they would grant us an interview. Turns out they apparently have plenty of free time and were willing to come down to Mana Deprived headquarters for such an interview. Here is one of those interviews.
Interview With [Card]Nissa Revane[/Card]
William Blondon: I just wanted to thank you Nissa Ravena for coming down to talk with us.
Nissa Revane: The name is actually Revane.
WB: Really?
NR: Are you questioning my authority, you realize I’m a Planeswalker.
WB: You get some elves, not sure that’s really some insane Planeswalking ability.
NR: I get ALL elves and gain life.
WB: Ok, let’s get past this and thank you for coming.
NR: You’re very welcome, what would you like to discuss?
WB: Well…Um…You see…
NR: Is there a problem?
WB: Most of the questions our readers sent us were kind of directed at, you know, cool Planeswalkers.
NR: So you called me out here for nothing?
WB: I’ll find you a question, just a second, there’s literally a hundred.
NR: You mean hundreds of millions.
WB: No, I mean one hundred and seventy three are KYT asking Chandra out in different ways.
NR: *Grumble*
WB: Tell you what, I’ll Google some questions, give me a second. Alright here’s one. What is your favorite part of Lord of the Rings?
NR: I don’t like that movie.
WB: Ok, short and sweet. Question Two, House Elves, Yay or Nay?
NR: What’s a house elf?
WB: This kind of slave elf from Harry Potter.
NR: WHAT HUMANS ARE ENSLAVING ELVES.
WB: It’s made up, that’s not real, although you can talk to J.K. Rowling, she’s the one responsible.
NR: I’m just kidding, huge fan of house elves, when I get home from travelling I want a clean house and have no intention of doing it myself.
WB: Alright, we’re getting somewhere. I just received this from Twitter. Question Three, If you could be a cool Planeswalker who would you be and why?
NR: Really, again?
WB: Maybe you could make up an answer.
NR: Kiora Atua and I’m bound under Wizards confidentiality agreements not to disclose why.
WB: Well that’s an answer. Question four, what is your favorite Magic the Gathering card?
NR: I’m going off script here but my favorite card is [Card]Ramirez DePietro[/Card]. Now I won’t get into the long version but a little long ways ago, after first discovering my Planeswalker spark, I was a Planeswalking Rebel. Long story short, I happen to run into him and one thing led to another and for the next six years we were an item. I mean who doesn’t love a pirate. Anyways it fell apart when he decided he couldn’t resist the call of theatre any longer and wanted to give up the pirate lifestyle. He died shortly after, I don’t remember the reason. Why are you badgering me? I don’t know what happened. NEXT QUESTION!!!
WB: So moving on to Question Five…
NR: Alright, I made him walk the plank and an alligator ate him like in Peter Pan.
WB: Actually Captain Hook’s hand was eaten by a crocodile. So Question Five then?
NR: Yes, go on.
WB: This one is from the CRAAAAAAZY TALK podcast team, Who would be your pack one pick one to have your back?
NR: I don’t understand.
WB: Okay, when drafting you start at pack one and normally there is one card that you will first pick before any other card in the set if it is in your pack. Hence Pack One Pick One. So who from the Magic community would you choose to have your back.
NR: Rob Dougherty
WB: Really?
NR: My reasoning is simple. If I am in a fight and need time to prepare a spell by putting Rob out first, there would be a general confusion and maybe laughter which would buy me enough time to destroy everyone who stood in opposition to me.
WB: With elves?
NR: Okay, I need to set the record straight on this. I actually prefer calling upon Black Mana. See the thing is, I had Wizards employees over at my house to investigate what type of card they wanted to make. As it turns out I have a lot of “House Elves” and these employees thought that I was naturally an Elf Planeswalker or something and decided to print a Green card. Honestly I haven’t cast Green Mana in millenia, ever since Gaea and I got into it. I won’t say what happened but that b*tch knows what she did wrong. Also I think I have childhood issues. Sorry what was the question?
WB: Let’s say what spell do you prefer casting to destroy your opponents?
NR: Initially it was [Card]Pox[/Card] but the math was getting to be way too much so I changed over to [Card]Smallpox[/Card] and generally just [Card]Reiterate[/Card] the spell. It costs less than playing [Card]Fork[/Card] plus everytime I Buyback a spell I get ten reward points on my American Express.
WB: That’s good to know, I’ll be on my best behaviour.
NR: Don’t worry, Planeswalkers have an unwritten rule about no Magic on humans.
WB: Kind of like how Harry Potter can’t cast spells in the Muggle world?
NR: Again never heard of Harry Potter but you seem kind of obsessed.
WB: Moving onto Question Six, what is the best beverage you have ever experienced through your travels.
NR: You seemed to move away from that Potter comment real quick.
WB: KYT is a clock Nazi so I don’t want to annoy him. Could you please answer the question?
NR: Make you a deal, you answer it and then I will.
WB: Deal, its Butterbeer, what’s yours? Damnit it. Look here’s the thing, it was the last movie, it was an event. We all got costumed up and watch all seven movies before it and then waited in line for 13 hours to be the first in line to see the premiere of the new movie. It was a once in a generation thing, now its over, can we move on.
NR: Speaking of issues.
WB: Answer the question please.
NR: I like water.
WB: What? Really?
NR: Yeah its refreshing, and enjoyable, what’s not to love. Just as a small piece of advise, do not drink the water any Izzet may serve you. It might seem like a good idea but their boilerworks have been broken for seven hundred years so the water is actually the same that [Card]Niv-Mizzet, the Firemind[/Card] bathes in and it wrecks havoc on a Planeswalkers’ stomach so I can only imagine what would happen to a human.
WB: That’s something we’ll never forget. Nissa Re… I would like to thank you for passing by the Mana Deprived headquarters. Here is a complementary gift bag with the new Derfington designed Mana Deprived T-Shirt and Sweatshirt, if you could wear it we would appreciate the free publicity.
NR: It was a pleasure to be here and just for the audience, what was my last name again.
WB: Re…Ra…Rev…Ravenclaw? Damnit I did it again.
NR: Ah… What a sad, sad person you are.
So that wraps up our Interview with a Planeswalker. Next week we shall have Johnny back and in the future should Johnny be unavailable we’ll bring you Part II of Interview with a Planeswalker. And make sure not to miss the new Harry Potter movie. Damnit, I really need to talk to someone.
Have A Nice Day!