As always, I’ve scoured the planes for your questions on all topics Magic related.

Why does an immortal being with godlike powers follow a mortal card game?

Of all the worlds in all of the planes, yours is the only one that acknowledges Planeswalkers and truly honours us (without the messy virgin sacrifices).  This game you play, with the cards and the awesome artwork, it’s a nice way for us Planeswalkers to wrap 5 fingers around our egos and give them a loving caress.

And besides, do you know how boring eternity is?  You can only eat so much chocolate, watch so many episodes of The Wire, and subjugate so many generations of people under the iron boot of tyrannical rule. Eventually, you just want to sit down at a table with your deck in hand and give yourself a few hours of stress-free joy.

It doesn’t hurt that the intricacies of the rules and deck variations speak to the anal-retentive-yet-creative side of Planeswalkers either.

Should Jace, The Mind Sculptor be banned in Standard?

The only places [card]Jace, the Mind Sculptor[/card] should be banned are schools and playgrounds, ‘cause he’s made more little boys cry than the Catholic Church. The furor died down some, once we saw some legitimate Planeswalker hate in New Phyrexia, but it’s starting to shamble out of the grave thanks to Caw Blade winning both SCG Orlando and Louisville.

Listen, you should not ban any card that can be solved by the combat phase. Quit whining. Too many have forgotten what it’s like to truly NEED to ban a card. Once you’ve been thrown over a card table and received a jolly good rodgering with a [card]Skullclamp[/card], then you can come sit at the big boy table and have an opinion on what cards need to be banned.

[card]Stoneforge Mystic[/card] and/or the Swords are the cards that keep Caw on top. Ban Jace, and the deck barely skips a beat.

What about banning Valakut?

Any deck that drops a freaking VOLCANO on your head to kill you isn’t playing fair. Death via land has got to be the most embarrassing way to die in all of Magic.

Who’s the coolest Planeswalker?

I’ll tell you who it’s not.  Sorin f#$%ing Markov.  That guy is a Richard with a capital-D. Aside from keeping the body glitter companies in business (he has to “sparkle” for his “fans”), he’s the worst wingman in existence.

Team Phyrexian or Team Mirran?

Even though I usually prefer to back the winning horse, I’ve got to go with the Mirrans here. I was legitimately sad to see them lose. There have been too many “uncomfortable” experiences with the Phyrexians. They are the d-bags that come and knock on your door while you’re enjoying a steak, and ask you if you’ve heard of the glory of Phyrexia. Yes, I have. Yes, I’m sure the Father of Machines does love us all. No, I don’t wanna subscribe to your newsletter. I don’t care about being Compleat. Please, leave the probes in your purse and get off my lawn.

At least the Mirrans mind their own business and let you watch Top Chef Masters in peace. Naked.

What does Magic need to do to get to the Next Level™?

I think Magic needs more star power. The problem is that, not since Jon and Kai have we had true Juggernauts on the Pro Tour. In all sports/games, the fans need someone to cheer for, and someone to cheer against, established celebrities that transcend allegiances and draw every eye in the room. I think WOTC has tried to address this with the Hall of Fame, but this only rewards established players. We need a system to elevate up-and-comers.

(By the way, how long has it been since we had a true VILLAIN in Magic? We need someone to turn heel. Maybe LSV can take a chair to Pat Chapin at the next Pro Tour and start a legitimate Channel Fireball/Star City Games feud. Someone get the “Brazilian Badboy” PVDDR to steal Mike Flores’ wife and children).

But, back to the stars issue. I think the Hall of Fame helps, but WOTC has lost the best chance they had at elevating players to stars of the game. They killed off the Invitational, the one tournament each year that truly had the power to create Magic Stars. I mean, how many times this year have we seen the “Rogue Prince” Conley Woods play against “Tweaker” Gerry T? How often do we get to witness the awesome epicness of Brad Nelson and his raging man-beard sling spells against “The Iceman” himself, Sam Black?

The nature of MTG tourneys can leave us unfulfilled. The NBA learned long ago that it is in the best interest of the game to have the best players perform against each other (so they “encouraged” the refs to make sure Lebron and DWade make the finals this year). The Invitational gave us this chance to see multiple “dream matches” each year. And above all, the Invitational offered The Prize, the chance to be immortalized in MTG forever. I know absolutely nothing about Jens Thoren, but I’ve rubbed my fingers over his likeness for years now, thanks to his Invitational win.

WOTC, I understand that the Invitational was cut due to cost/non-profitability and can see why re-instituting it could be a problem. But, maybe you could outsource the tournament. At the very least, find a way to once again offer The Prize. Maybe let the Player of the Year, or World Champion design a card?

That’s it for this week’s questions. If your loins are aching to address an issue, send me an email or tweet at the address below. But, before I go, Today’s interesting fact from the Planes:

Young [card]Tarmogoyf[/card]s will eat anything, living or dead, but they have a preference for goblin refuse.  As such, responsible [card]Tarmogoyf[/card] farmers are forced to purchase Boudreaux’s Butt Paste in bulk.

Have questions for Johnny McPlaneswalker? You can reach him at mcplaneswalker@gmail.com or on Twitter @mcplaneswalker.