M12 is upon us, bringing some delicious reprints and a few new toys. I’m sure my minions are anxious for me to give my thoughts, but first…

Care to weigh in on the “Women in Magic” topic? – CNRedPlaneswalker

I believe women are at an inherent disadvantage in regards to Magic as Wizards seems to tailor the game to the teenage male demographic. I think the company needs to get its crap together if they want to entice females to bust boosters.

Look at the art for [Card]Wild Nacatl[/Card].

Take a second, Google image search it to get a closer look.

Even the feline females in the Magic-verse seem to be excessively buxom! That cat rips more bodice than your average Harlequin romance novel.

Now, I’m sure Wizards would argue that its artists are responsible for this, for deciding how to depict the character. In fact, they did. Here is a quote from a recent article:

“What we do know is that this, and other situations like this one, has nothing to do with any Creative Team mandate for sexy women. This illustration follows the spirit of the art description, shows no nudity, and depicts an independent female character that is not looking for a knight in shining armor to save her.”

But, the company COULD change the style guidelines. Encourage the artists to draw for men, women, and 14-year-old boys. The artists will draw the thing most likely to get them paid.

I mean, you know what your average battle combatant wants? ARMOR. Seriously, when I summon a female [Card]Goblin Guide[/Card], you can bet your ass that she’s got as many plates, helms, and visors as possible. She wants to protect her wart-covered ass. Very few adventurers/fighters/brawlers will go into a situation scantily clad. A halter-top, cutoffs, and bitch-boots may work in da club, but you should really depict veterans of the battlefield a little more practically.

And, as for my fellow male Magic players: women are just like men but smarter and, in some cases, with smaller boobs. You may think women smell like rainbows and giggle behind their hands when you play a Forest on turn 1, but try not to treat them like they have a third arm growing out of their head unless she’s the Mimeoplasm, then you have more serious issues on your hands.

Please also keep in mind, there is a new rather ravishing Planeswalker on the block who has been pimped out, is not fond of male hedonism and will walk all over you, while trying to immolate you if she catches you treating women as anything but your equal.

A riddle perhaps.

Who has two thumbs and will never treat a women as anything other than a peer and equal member of the Magical society?

*Point both my thumbs at myself*

This Guy!

So try to be mindful of this and be more encouraging the next time you encounter a female player as girls enjoy playing these games, just ask anyone who plays Dungeons & Dragons or Settlers of Catan. Yet the Magic community attempts to act like an all boys club who doesn’t see a problem with how they act. Well guess what, there is, so shape up.

Are you going to do a top 10 list for M12, now that the set has been completely spoiled?

Of course. Planeswalkers love lists!

10. [Card]Solemn Simulacrum[/Card]: See last week’s mailbag for my ode to Robo-love.

9. [Card]Oblivion Ring[/Card]: Even Liliana wanted to break out the Plains when she saw this reprint. The “One Ring” should remain in the Core Set as long as we have Planeswalkers.

8. [Card]Goblin Grenade[/Card]: Did you know that an exploding goblin smells faintly of Cinnamon? I want to use new Chandra to copy this, 10 damage for one red mana seems good.

7. [Card]Druidic Satchel[/Card]: Or, as we call it in the Planeswalking community, “Seton’s Change Purse”.

6. [Card]Timely Reinforcements[/Card]: Doesn’t this card just turn towards Red decks and says, “Say hello to my little friends.”

5. [Card]Smallpox[/Card]: My favorite plague. The pox will push [Card]Bloodghast[/Card] and [Card]Vengevine[/Card] hard, until October.

4. [Card]Sundial of the Infinite[/Card]: This card should make a great splash in Legacy (yes, Johnny McPlaneswalker owns [Card]Force of Will[/Card]s, and KNOWS HOW TO USE THEM).

3. [Card]Chandra, the Firebrand[/Card]: Reports that I mass pre-ordered these and a laminating machine for “Happy Time” are totally… true.

2. [Card]Skinshifter[/Card]: I love this card. Fantastic design, I think we’ll definitely see this in Standard decks until it rotates. I will give 10 Planeswalker points to the first artist to alter this to be Sam Merlotte from True Blood.

1. [Card]Grim Lavamancer[/Card]: I feel like Lt. Colonel Kilgore, standing on the beaches of Vietnam, “I love the smell of Lavamancers in the morning!”

What snacks do you eat on those long trips in the Blind Eternity? -@Writer1007

I’d rather shave a [Card]Spiritmonger[/Card] than eat while traveling through the blind eternities.
But, ‘Walking does leave us tired, cranky, and hungry enough to eat a Goblin Pie (don’t ask what’s in it). Whenever we get the ‘Walking munchies, we visit the best place to eat in all the Planes. It’s a little dive on the outskirts of Urborg called, “Necromancer Dave’s.” If you ever get to stop by, enjoy the “Reani-Matered Chicken,” what Dave calls “the most Necromantic dinner you’ll ever have!” Dave takes an organic free-range chicken, plucks it, and boils it whole. He then zombifies the bird and force-feeds it truffles for hours, until its stomach is splitting. He then roasts it in garlic butter and finished the dish up by garnishing it in a light tomato sauce with Roc-egg noodles.

Who knew access to the dark arts could make you a fantastic chef? I wonder if Bobby Flay is really a Praetor.

Does casting one type of spell feel different than another? What’s your most and least favorite to cast? – @thephoenix5

Great question! Each color of mana has its own little oddities. Whenever I use green mana, I can’t help but get the sensation of standing on a mountaintop, with the cold air rushing on my face. Blue mana compels me to punch myself in the face with a claw hammer.

My favorite spell and the most beautiful to observe is a spell that goes by the nickname, “Barrin’s Mourning.” Of course, I’ve only seen it twice as it generally obliterates everything around it, pun intended. Only Urza survived casting that spell, but he also had a Cylix so technically that was cheating.

My least favorite spell to cast is [Card]Capsize[/Card]. Whenever I put it on the stack, having paid for Buyback, I just need to take a shower. Sometimes, Johnny has to go to a cold, dark place that taints his soul. And in that place, he uses Islands to cast spells.

Is [Card]Priest of Urabrask[/Card] not just a great creature for [Card]Birthing Pod[/Card]? It pretty much ramps itself to any 4 drop you might want. – Joshua Lemish

First, Johnny doesn’t need help answering questions. After all, the column is called McPlaneswalker’s Mailbag not Lemish’s Mailbag.

That being said, I like the way you think. You could drop the Priest and the Pod in one turn, without losing any momentum. Especially if you led off with a turn 1 [Card]Birds of Paradise[/Card]. If only there was a good red four drop.

Who has two thumbs and loves having Sadbot fill the four drop spot for Birthing Pod?

*Point both of my thumbs at myself*

This Guy! Hey, haven’t we already met?

Do you think Sorin Markov could lead the Habs to the cup or is he too much of an injury risk? – @livewithfrank

Sorin is deathly allergic to nonsexual physical activities. Sure, at one point he was known as “The Mad Dog of Magic”, and had a litany of dirges dedicated to him, but lately all he talks about is his “brand.” Just last week he told me, “Vampires aren’t the monstrous, blood drinkers we used to be, Johnny. Today, it’s all about sex appeal, temptation and killer bangs.” The odds of Sorin lacing up some skates and hitting the ice are lower than those that Wizards reprints Black Lotus and packages it with bubble gum.

McPlaneswalker Recommends:
SMBC (Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal). The best daily comic on the internet, with an extensive back log of comics. Remember Durdling Around is a weekly comic not daily. Here are a few of my favorites:

SMBC #812
SMBC #1496
SMBC #1765

Today’s Interesting Fact from the Planes:
Did you know there are 23 planets identical to Earth among all known planes?

4 – Never had Magic invented, as Dr. Richard Garfield decided to become a Surgeon instead of game designer.

5 – Only have four mana symbols in their game instead of five. Of those three are missing Black, one is missing Red and one is missing White. In case you were wondering you are correct, regardless of the plane, Blue mages are always douching it up and Green mages are always getting hosed.

11 – Have the exact same cards as Earth except, from the beginning, their core sets were always Black bordered.

2 – Release three Un-sets a year as their normal sets and every four years release joke sets. So far their joke sets have been Beta, Urza’s Saga and Betrayers of Kamigawa. It’s always funny seeing players rip up a mint Beta [Card]Black Lotus[/Card] and throw it onto the floor because it’s not as good as their ultra foil [Card]Mox Lotus[/Card].

1 – Magic crashed and burned quickly as instead of being the main person everyone associates with Magic R&D, Mark Rosewater was eaten by Rosanne, the first year he was employed on the show.

That’s it for another week’s mailbag! Keep those questions coming! Encourage your friends, neighbors, and loved ones to follow me on twitter. My 100th follower will receive a free, SIGNED [Card]Mudhole[/Card]!

If you have any questions, I can be summoned at McPlaneswalker@gmail.com or @McPlaneswalker on twitter.