Remember this guy?
You probably do. Aside from the fact that Wizards lied to us (there is CLEARLY another troll right there in Return to Ravnica), he was a house in Standard for a good while. He was the card that turned [card]Phantasmal Image[/card] into the blue [card]Doom Blade[/card] and kept a check on control decks being too good. I could tell you the story of Freddy playing out the second Thrun in his hand, because if one 4/4 hexproof regenerator is good then a second would be awesome, but I’m pretty sure you know how that ended. And no, we haven’t ever let him forget it.
If you’ve been playing a little longer, you might remember this guy:
This is where it all started, if you like. [card]Troll Ascetic[/card] is where the term “trollshroud” came from, and of course that would become the hexproof keyword a few years later. The Ascetic was a thorn in the side of many a control or burn player while it was in Standard, and we’ve even seen it pop up in Modern from time to time. The Scars of Mirrodin card [card]Asceticism[/card] is a call back to this iconic beater, granting creatures you control the troll-related abilities of hexproof and regeneration.
Other trolls have had regeneration but not hexproof, but the general rule has been that trolls are hard to deal with and dispose of. They aren’t generally big (only 3 trolls have power greater than 4, and 2 of them have 5 power) but they are annoying and they cause trouble for many decks because they keep coming back for more.
You know, just like internet trolls.
Actions Take Their Troll
What exactly constitutes a troll is a question that doesn’t seem to have a consistent answer, but every definition I found agreed that they were generally malevolent. An internet troll makes hurtful, provoking, insulting or otherwise unpleasant remarks with the aim of getting an emotional response from the target. This will often then develop into a full-on argument, with the instigator fading off into the shadows to start his next fight. They’ve been around forever and they’re not limited to the online world, but the anonymity of the internet combined with the ability to needle people thousands of miles away makes that medium the natural habitat of these loathsome creatures.
One thing that continues to perplex me is the reasoning behind this behaviour. Do these trolls get something out of making life miserable for others? Is there some sort of scoreboard where they get extra points for making more people hate themselves? Unlike many activities that can lead to mixed reaction in the Magic community, there is no good reason to ever treat another person in this way. We’ve all heard about and seen evidence of the strong community we have as Magic players, and it should be clear that a stronger community is to the benefit of us all. I’d wager though that we have also all been aware of examples of people being chased OUT of the community due to what would be considered harassment in any corporate workplace in the western world. Why would we do this to each other? If you are one of the people that derives pleasure from this, do you realise how destructive your behaviour is?
I’m no psychologist, though I do dabble in the amateur side and find it fascinating. That said I am not going to spend time in this article trying to psychoanalyse these people to explain why they do what they do. If I’ve learned anything from writing articles for all these years it’s that you don’t go down a road without a map to get you off it. Suffice it to say that people who get pleasure from the suffering or anger of others are not generally a positive force.
Recently there’s been a spate of high-profile activity going on that has been labelled as trolling by many people, but it really just falls under straight bullying. Whether it’s people blaming Heather for Medina’s retreat from Magic or a guy at a tournament tearing up freshly-signed Todd Anderson tokens, these actions are hurtful and damaging both to the targets and to the community.
Often the defence from these bullies is that it’s “just a joke” and that they didn’t mean any harm. Well that’s not the point I’m afraid. Intent doesn’t matter, it’s how the comments are received that matters. You might not MEAN to hurt someone, but if you do then the correct way to proceed is to apologise for your actions. Getting on your high horse and calling the victim over-sensitive doesn’t in any way vindicate you or excuse your behaviour, it just compounds the problem. Jokes are meant to be funny, and if the person at the centre of the joke isn’t laughing then the joke has failed.
Getting Them Under Con-Troll
In-game, several trolls have hexproof. It’s meant to represent their tough hides and the difficulty in penetrating them with magic or weaponry. It’s not perfect but it’s as good a way as any to represent the fantasy flavour of the race. Real trolls aren’t any different: they are difficult to target and most things just slide off them, because they WANT you to start making personal attacks on them. It feeds them and in fact is a measure of their success: emotional response means buttons have been pressed. Direct confrontation (removal) is often not the way to deal with this.
Troll creatures almost universally have the ability to regenerate. This is an even more iconic trait of trolls in fantasy literature; for example in Dungeons and Dragons only fire and acid damage is of any use against them. Even severed limbs can regrow. The internet’s keyboard warriors are much the same, resisting almost any attempt to dispose of them. They just go away for a while and come back just as bad as they were before, if not worse.
No, the only sure-fire way to deal with trolls, whether in Magic or within the community, is to exile them en masse. No fighting, no burning, no attempting to destroy. A skilled troll (player) always leaves regeneration mana up. Just get rid of them completely and block them online, from Facebook or Twitter or whatever other forum they are using. Trust me when I say that you will find that forum far more enjoyable with the reduced noise to signal ratio.
Don’t Feed The Trolls
One thing that is absolutely crucial is to avoid feeding the trolls. There’s nothing a troll loves more than attention and responding in any fashion is exactly what they want you to do. Full disclosure though, it’s really freaking hard to ignore them and I myself suck royally at it. I do however recognise that it is the best way to ensure the troll doesn’t get what he wants. They’ll look awfully silly dangling their carrot out there if you’re focused on everything but them, much like a [card]Troll Ascetic[/card] looks pretty bad in the face of a 2/2 first striker.
In a way you almost have to pity these poor fools. Do they really have so little to do with their lives that they spend it antagonizing strangers? That’s actually sad. Maybe by ignoring them you’ll be doing them a favour and encouraging them to find a more constructive use of their time and intelligence. By and large trolls ARE intelligent, otherwise they wouldn’t be nearly as effective at pushing our buttons as they are.
Neu-troll Ground
There’s a difference between friends teasing each other and people trolling. Sadly it’s not always easy to tell on the internet. Bear that in mind before succumbing to the urge to jump in and defend someone who appears to be under heavy troll fire. That said, this sort of malicious act does the community absolutely no good and hurts us all. The tacit approval we give by laughing at trolls only serves to encourage them to do more of it and go further with it. Many Canadians were shocked and saddened this year by the case of Rehtaeh Parsons, who tragically took her own life after a severe case of cyberbullying that looked an awful lot like trolling taken too far. I honestly don’t know how far away from this we are as a community. Don’t let it take something this sad for us to buck up our act and treat each other better.
Telling people to “lighten up,” “take a joke,” “don’t take everything to heart” or similar is missing the point and diminishing what are very real and very serious feelings. If someone tells you they are bothered by something you said, STOP SAYING IT. You might not understand why, but how does it help you or the person you offended to make fun of then for being sensitive?
Let’s all just take the time to avoid hurting and offending each other. Think before you speak, and remember that even if the person you are talking to doesn’t say something, you may still be hurting them. If you are the one being hurt, SPEAK UP. Most people are no inherently malicious, and when told that their actions aren’t welcomed they will tone them down. We’re all in this together, and we get enough of this treatment from people outside our little bubble that we should not be subjecting each other to that sort of treatment. Don’t let communication break down, support each other and help repair the rifts that are starting to appear in our community. We’ll be better for it.
Chris is a deck brewer, podcaster and lover of bacon. He’s recently realised he isn’t completely terrible at this game.